People often say relationships shouldn't be work. I disagree. As someone in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend who lives in another country, I've discovered something counterintuitive: the things we value most in life often require the most effort to maintain.
This realization came to me one night while I was finishing a late project for a client. As a Virtual Assistant managing international teams, I was struck by an interesting parallel – my approach to my career and my relationship are mirror images of each other.
The Professional Mirror
In my professional life as a VA, I put in tremendous work first. Hours learning new skills, developing systems, building client relationships, and managing teams across time zones. The work came first, and gradually, love for my profession followed. That love now fuels my willingness to continue working hard. Without genuinely loving what I do, I could never maintain the level of dedication my role requires.
Every day, I choose to put in the effort because I've developed a deep appreciation for my profession. The work sustains the love.
The Relationship Mirror
My relationship works in precisely the opposite way. My boyfriend and I began with love – that initial spark that made distance seem like a small obstacle. But as days turned into months and months into years, we've discovered that love alone isn't enough to sustain a long-distance relationship.
We talk nearly every day across time zones. We plan visits months in advance. We navigate cultural differences and misunderstandings through video calls. We've developed rituals and routines that keep us connected despite the physical separation. In our relationship, the initial love drives us to do the necessary work to maintain our connection. Without consistent work, the love would slowly fade.
The Balance of Effort and Reward
Both my job and my relationship have taught me that anything worthwhile requires balance. In my career, the work I put in has led to a deep love for what I do. In my relationship, our love for each other motivates us to put in the work to stay connected.
Neither approach is right or wrong – they're complementary. Sometimes we work our way to love, and sometimes we love our way to work.
The Daily Practice
Every morning when I open my laptop to begin working with clients across the globe, I'm reminded of the power of dedication and consistency. And every evening when I connect with my boyfriend despite the distance between us, I'm reminded that love requires action and intention.
Some days, my work feels effortless because I've cultivated a passion for it. Other days, I push through challenges because that's what professionals do. Similarly, some days our relationship feels magical and effortless, while other days we both have to make a conscious choice to bridge the distance.
Finding Your Mirror
Perhaps you're in a job you don't love yet – keep working at it, developing your skills, finding aspects that engage your interests. The love often follows dedicated effort.
Or maybe you're in a relationship where the initial spark is fading – remember that sustainable love requires consistent work. The deepest connections often come after navigating challenges together.
The beauty of these mirrors is that they teach us complementary truths. My career reminds me that work can lead to love, while my relationship reminds me that love requires work. Together, they've taught me that nothing valuable comes without effort, and no effort is sustainable without genuine care.
Finding this balance – knowing when to work toward love and when to let love motivate your work – may be one of life's most valuable skills. It's a daily practice, just like my morning client calls and evening conversations with my boyfriend – different in content but similar in their requirement for dedication.
In both cases, the reward is the same: a life filled with meaningful connections, whether professional or personal, that enrich each day despite – or perhaps because of – the effort they require.
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